oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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