It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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