You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
