Pants 0. Shit 1.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
