She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
