So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
grandma shit on top of the toilet
you traded sex for a burrito?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
There's even glitter on my cock...
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