easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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