Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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