just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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