i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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