I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
