I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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