Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
