Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
