I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
