im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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