3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We have started to decorate penises.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
