because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
