Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
