Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
