I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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