I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
someone owes me an orgasm
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
