I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
