2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
