I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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