Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
