Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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