so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
