You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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