I feel great
I just peed on a car
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
