Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
