Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
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