just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My ass is underappreciated
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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