I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
