i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
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We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize