Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
