really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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