He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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