So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
