I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
