so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize