Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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