Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i think i have two assholes
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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