I got chris browned last night
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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