I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
