he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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