I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Randomize
