goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
