also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
