we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I feel like a drive thru vagina
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
