Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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