there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
