Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
