nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
