Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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