Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
