After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
4 words: hood of his car
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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