last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
