Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
