I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
