I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Do vagina's smell?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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