Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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