i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
