final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
