Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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