Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
