One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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