What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
