So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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