I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
