He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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