it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
